So the Death
by Lou Serbio
Summary: Spinoff from my fic, Grudge Match. Death gets the assignment of a lifetime...er...Deathtime, and Kim Possible is his focus! [read & review would be welcomed & appreciated.]


One of the more powerful beings in the universe, Death, casually sat in his cloudy+fiery domain known as Purgatory. The room was a den, where he sat at his PC eating potato chips and sucking down a bottle of MGD. He was compiling his list of who went and who was about to go.

"Okay, then, Ronald Reagan. Damn, I'm surprised he made it upstairs," he began. "Yasser Arafat, well hey, have fun storming the fiery castle of Hell!"

Death glanced over and saw a huge bouquet of exotic flowers, witha card reading, _Dear Death, Thank you for finally returning my call. Took you long enough! Ha ha. In appreciation, _signed, _Christopher Reeve._

"No problemo, Superman," he said aloud.

"Honey, tomorrow is trash day!" A female voice loudly resonated from a separate room. "Did you take out the garbage?"

"I am _working_, dear!" Death answered.

Suddenly, his house phone rang. The receiver was shaped like a scimitar blade, similar to what he carries in his hands. The caller I.D. read _The Almighty God_.

"Oh, shit, what does _He_ want?" Death grumbled as he picked up the receiver. "Yo!"

"Death, I want you in my office **five minutes ago**!" God's voice boomed, flapping Death's holocaust cloak.

"Okay, okay! Jesus Christ!" Death said.

"He's not home right now, just get up here!" The Lord bellowed.

As Death hung up, he wondered why God wanted him so abrupt, for he had not been in Heaven in quite some time.

"Seriously, he hadn't invited me up since Hitler offed himself in that bunker," Death thought aloud. "That was one hell of a party though. Got so drunk, I'd…."

"**DEATH, NOW!**" The voice thundered and vigorously vibrated his apartment.

With a flash, Death disappeared from the apartment, then with a flash, reappeared in the bright, cloudy, ethereal surroundings known as Heaven. He trudged toward the Pearly Gates when St. Peter sat at his desk taking phone calls.

"Hey, Pete," Death greeted him.

"Death? Hey, long time no see!" St. Peter said. "I haven't seen you since the Hitler Suicide kegger! Man, remember how The Big Guy was so proud of you?"

"Yeah, I remember," he answered. "You wouldn't happen to know what this emergency is, would you?"

"I have no idea. He said it was important," Peter pressed a buzzer and the gates parted. "Go ahead in."

"Thanks, Pete. Hey, maybe we can grab a brew someday and catch up on old times," Death said.

"Will do," Peter answered. "Say hi to your wife for me."

So the faceless, soulless entity walked through the billows up to a huge desk where a larger being sat twiddling his thumbs. Death was in awe, for he hadn't been to God's office all that much.

"Have a seat, son. We need to chat a bit," The Lord said.

"Uh, oh," Death laid down his scimitar and sat in a very large office chair. "Listen, if this is about Jerry Orbach, sorry. I've heard how much you like _Law & Order._"

"Oh, that's okay," He assured him. "Besides, Dennis Farina is cool."

"Well, all righty. I know you check my list, and if this is about the Pope next year, hey….well he's old."

"No, that guy really didn't do all that much good for my rep, "God said. "He knows those priests do what they do, and they don't go to jail for it, just get _moved_? You can have him."

"Uh…_huh_," If Death could show facial expression, his face would show astonishment at that remark. "Well, I could put Bin Laden on my list, but even I can't find him."

"Listen, Death, I want to talk to you about a young woman who is scheduled for today."

"Today? Okay, let's see," he mused as he pulled his PDA from his cloak and began tapping to find names. "Not Terry Schiavo, unfortunately, she's next year, too. This year, this ye—"and then he interrupted himself with, "Oh, Kim Possible?"

"Yes, this one…she's special to me," He said as he rubbed his beard.

Death side glanced at God. "What do you…_mean_, Big Guy?"

"I mean, that she is an unpaid law enforcer, who puts her life on the line every single day of her young life. She deserves better than to just be whacked by that lunatic Shego."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," Death said as he looked at his PDA listings, "Shego's on today's itinerary, too!"

"Not enough," God answered as he stood up from his desk and towered over the much smaller Death. "Look, kiddo, I don't interfere with your job, but I want you to go easy on Kim."

"Why? There are plenty of heroes who died selflessly that you never even blinked at!"

"I know, but this one…I am blinking at, and…" suddenly His eyes widened, and then He said, "_hey, _I know what you're thinking!"

"What…am I thinking, Oh, Almighty Savior?" Death asked, pretending to be oblivious to His powers.

"You think I'm like the Greek gods. That in some perverse way I'm in love with this young lady"

"_Pssht_, no, not _that!" _Death held up his skeletal hands as if to stop God, but God just crossed his arms and knowingly glared at him. "Okay, I _was _thinking that. But what would you _have _me think, Man?"

"I've been the one keeping Zeus away from her, so get your mind out of the gutter," He said with a sneer.

"Whatever floats your boat," Death concluded. "So what are you getting at?"

"Since Kim Possible is supposed to die today, you're going to alleviate the moment for her." He instructed. "She needs to go to the light, and you have to guide her there."

Death shook his skull in a double take, "Whachu talkin' bout, Lord?"

God said nothing.

"The _light_?" Death hopped off the chair and flailed his arms. "That's what everybody expects from me, but I don't have a clue how to use the light!"

"No better time to learn," God smiled.

"Oh, for crying out…." Death's shoulders slumped and he exhaled sharply. "Did you happen to create me with this ability?"

"Don't know. I lost the instruction manual. Why else do you think you're a skeleton?"

"Yeah, thanks, at least you pay me enough to keep me in cloaks for eternity," Death said and sighed again. "Okay, fine, she's going to get the light…somehow!"

"Good." The Lord smiled again, but then was suddenly alerted. "Hey, hold it. I've got to turn on local news."

God picked up the remote control from his desk and clicked on the wide-screen monitor which was floating in the clouds.

"Is that Dish TV?" Death asked. "I _have_ to get that!"

The shot cleanly cut to New Jersey's UPN9 News coverage of a hostage crisis at the Garden State Plaza in Paramus, NJ. The female voice over was picked up from the cut. "Once again, a superhuman woman is holding workers and patrons, hostage at the Garden State Plaza. We've learned that at least one person is dead, and she that she has threatened to kill more if a teenage super-spy Kim Possible does not arrive within the hour."

God turned the audio off, looked downward at Death and said, "It's started. You have your orders."

"Sir, yes, sir!" Death shouted, saluted, and disappeared from Heaven.

_To be continued. Kim Possible is the property of Buena Vista television. Death is inspired by characterscreated by Seth Mcfarlane, creator of Family Guy._


End file.
